The Twilight Special

 11 pm, Somewhere, WV, A minivan.

"Are we really DOIng this?!" I squealed.
"We so are! It! IS! ON!" my sister Holly yelled, pumping her freakish, baby-sized fist into the air.
Julie chimed in with "I'm SOOOO EXCITED!" and finished her exclaimation of joy with a cute lil happy dance butt-wiggle.

We were on our way! Let the adventure begin! It was  all giggles and smiles until we got to our destination. We hadn't realized what a serious occasion this would be.
"SINGLE-FILE LINES ONLY!! DO NOT PUSH OR SHOVE. NO FOUL LANGUAGE WILL BE TOLERATED. WHETER YOU ARE FIVE YEARS OLD OR EIGHTY-FIVE, YOU WILL BE ESCORTED FROM THE BUILDING IF YOU DO NOT FOLLOW THE RULES AND ACT ACCORDINGLY!"

Wow, who knew Walmart employees were so hardcore?

"IF YOU BREAK THESE SIMPLE RULES YOU WILL NOT GET A DVD. IS THAT CLEAR?" Some low mumbles arose from the crowd. "I CAN'T!!! HEAR YOU!!!!"
"YES!!!"
That's right. Holly, Julie and I were in line at Walmart for the MIDNIGHT release of "Breaking Dawn," the first of the two-part ending of the "Twilight" saga. <--- Did I REALLY even have to explain that?
Once in line, we were alerted to the fact that we NEEDED raffle tix. Well, that incited pure panic in the three of us.  We had heard no tale of tickets beforehand! If we needed tickets to buy the movie, we were surely and sorely out of luck. "Oh yeeeaaaah," the girl in line behind us stated. "Yeaaahhh, you kin ooooohhhnly gittem frum the Walmart's employees in them blayyy-yuck Twaaaahhh-laaaahhht tay-shirrrts. They's sellin em. You kin weee-yyun a pitcher (picture) of the kay-ust of the moooo-vaaeeeyy and a buncha other stuff."
Ok, *phew!* we didn't want anything all THAT extra, we just wanted a copy of the movie, thanks anyway. We all clapped and cheered for Larry the Cable Guy's  doppleganger when he waved his thick, tattooed, camo-clad arm in the air as HE won the raffle. "Some redneck woman is gonna make him a VERY happy man tonight." Holly mused. A visual image that made us ALL shudder.

 As time got closer, the crowd got antsier but thus far, everybody was obeying Da Rules. AND THEN a Twilight-eve Miracle happened. Just like Moses parted the water for His People, the gracious Walmart employees delgated our long, serpentine line into 2 parts: Blu Ray and DVD. There was no combo pack, no digital copy was to be had. The lines were clearly drawn and we chose BluRay. That made only about 10 or so people in front of us when just seconds before, we had been at the end of the line!! SCORE!!
The three of us chatted aimlessly, Holly still venting about her unfortunatle mishap in the Express Lane (seriously, who HASN'T had one of those?) and Julie and I lamenting  and dissecting the woes and joys of parenting an Aspie kid.  We bantered over Team Edward and Team Jacob (I still am torn, although for sure I would choose hella-hot Rob over cutie-pie Taylor!).We took silly, stupid TERRIBLE pictures of ourselves. The "Before and After" kind. "Before" we were beaming with unadulterated goofiness. Our eyes were all squinty and are noses were scrunched up and we were laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. Esp. after we saw that delightfully awful pic! "After", of course, was a shot of us holding our coveted "SPAAAAAEEEE-shul" edition BLU RAYs in our hot lil old lady hands!
Becasue this was a night of indulgence (no kids, a late night and we were purchasing something we most ceratinly did NOT need but absoluuuutely HAD to have) we swung thru the McD drive thru, and like Ye Olde Dayes of College, scrounged together some cash (they weren't taking cards, apparently) and stuffed ourselves with a much needed snack.
I arrived home at just after 1 am and needed time to wind down after THAT epic adventure. So I chilled for an hour or so and crashed. Well, tried to. G had crawled into our bed at some point and would not budge. She flopped, tossed and talked in her sleep until 5 AM when she finally bounded out of bed, who knows why. She then discovered it had SNOWED and stayed awake till dawn's first light when I woke up to the front door slamming and cat pukey noises. No rest for this crazy late-night party mom, I guess.

I just hope I can stay up to watch Breaking Dawn tonght! I am sooo sleepy! I am just waaaayyyy too old for this..... stuff! Hmmmm, I wonder if Larry the Cable guy got any sleep last night...? *shudder*

Before:



After:

Musical Montage, Jr.

My every move is followed by a series of  flattering camera angles tracking every silly, fun, sometimes tragic, always riveting moment of my life.  But not in that all-up-in-yo-bidness-reality show kinda Jersey Shore way. No, my psychosis is waaayyy klassier than that. More like a series of epic, sweeping scenes filled with complex music and long, drawn out silioloqui, soliloq-..., monologues. More like musical numbers from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Or classic broadway.
Today is no exception, of course.  After hours of baby nephew wrestling,  calming my lil sister, arguing with my mean, funny, CRAZy crippled Mom, I then had to buckle down and start on THREE orders of cupcakes I have for this weekend. Let me set the scene for you:

Picture it: Barboursville 2012. In a lil house on a busy street a 30-something woman-who-still-feels-like-a-girl is lovingly whipping up a batch of homemade buttercream frosting.  The aroma of fresh baked-from-scratch chocolate cupcakes fills the noisy, cozy home. The woman huffs an exhausted-but-satisfied breath, floured hands on hips, strands of strawberry (ish?) curls catch on her dark-framed glasses. She is happy with the bounty before her.
Enter cute little girl, spitting image of her momma. "Need help cleaning up?" The lil one asks.
With a nod from her tired mom, the girl grabs cloth and gets to work. Side-by-side the mother and daughter work in quiet happiness until the girl pipes up with, "Hey Momma? If this were a movie or a dvd or a tv show or a play or a, well I don't know what else but ya know what? If this were any of those kinda things and people were watching us from their house or at the movies or at a friend's house like if they were having a party or their grandparents house Like I watch tv at Mammy's? There would be some fancy music playing in the background. Something like this" and then she hums a pretty, fast lil piece of music.

Ahhhhh, it's nice to know that my love for imagined musical montages have been passed along to my offspring(cue  ABBA's"Momma Mia").

I'm whiny today

I am a fragile woman. I just am. And I dont mind admitting it. So why isn't it ok for me to just go lay down in bed in the middle of the day? Why do I HAVE to work? I'm not knockin women's lib or whatever but why isn't it ok for me to NOT WANT to DO anything other than be a good person, follow 'the rules' and have a family? Why do I HAVE to go to work? Why am I expected to MAKE SOMEthing of myself? Why should I? I have waaayy too many thoughts and dreams to just settle on one. ]And I'll tell you right now not ONE of those lofty ideals included being away from my house all work week long, for 8 hours a day, only to be so overwhelmed by the weekend that I can't do a damn thing becasue I am absolutely overwhelmed to the point of paralysis. And while it's true I bring most of it on myself, because I don't hang up my coat every day. I don't have a dresser with a complete set of fully functioning drawers so my clothes end up in a pile beside me bed. And don't even get me started on Gillia'ns room. Or any other roiom in the house.
I tried to clean today and after an HOUR (my house is less than 900 sq ft, ppl) you cdnt even tell that I had done anything. bc I flit from room to room. BTW, It's useless to give me suggestions about stayinbg in one place till it's all done or making lists or asking for help. None of it works for me. Hell, even medications haven't worked for me.

Remember when it was socially acceptable for a wife/mom to 'go away' for 'her nerves' ? Yeah, in my opinion, those were the good ol' days...

Minus the thank you notes...

Thank you notes are stupid. Yep, I said it.

I don't write thank you notes. Because when you give me a gift and I say, "Thank you!"  Guess what? I JUST THANKED YOU. WITH MY VERY OWN SINCERE FACE AND VOICE. What more do you people want from me? I can barely assemble a scratch sheet of paper and writing utencil to jot down a grocery list these days. And you expect me to RE-THANK YOU for a gift you gave me for which you have already been appropriately and heartfeltly (its a word. well, it should be) thanked? COME ON!!! Thank you notes are a complete waste of time and absolutely useless.  Don't ever expect one from me and please don't feel compelled to send one to this address after someone in my family has sent you or anyone in your family a gift. Especially if the gift was given during an event at which a gift would have been expected such as a birthday or socially-approved gift-giving holiday. Then a thank you note almost seems patronizing. "Just in case you didn't realize I was thanking you for this very specific gift that  you gave me at the event at which I just saw you last week, an event at which gifts were fully expected (and it would have been considered a major insult had you not given me a gift during such event)  here' s a letter to reiterate my undying thanks for that, once again, very specific gift. You gave. To me. Last week. When I just saw you. At that event. Thank You, Me."

Oh, and don't you eeeeven tell me that thank you notes are a quaint homage to a simpler time when manners mattered and people killed each other less and the world was a kinder, gentler place. Well, in that case let's get rid of all annoying new fangled annoyances like cars and airplanes. Lets just walk everywhere and all get typhoid and eat each other on the Oregon Trail. Wouldn't that be quaint? Maybe we could even give up our nice cozy houses with real floors, walls and a roof and hole up in some cold dark, dank caves? Our neanderthal days were simpler times for sure! Unga bunga! <-- that means "thank you" in Caveman.

And if you mail me- or anyone in the Lovetro-Rublee household- a gift you may get an email or a phone call, perhaps a text, in order to directly express my thanks. But prolly not. Because I'll forget. But I promise I super liked it!  I'm just busy. And forgetful.  And scatterbrianed. And more than likely I have run out of my adderall prescription. So I'm more than a bit distracted.

So in summation, you can send me a thank you note if you wanna. But it's cute mannerly quaintness will be lost on me. It's just going in the trash. What else am I supposed to do with it? Write you a thank you note for sending ME a thank you note?

No.
Thanks.

A Stranger in a Strange Land

I was an alien in a foreign place. Stranded.  Alone. My own world had forgotten me. This place was oddly familiar yet distantly so. The language seemed to be close to my own native tongue so I attempted to engage one of the locals, to figure out where I was and how to get home. Surprisingly, I understood her directions, or so I thought.

 I ended up lost in the woods. Surely, this must be where they send sacrificial offerings to their undoubtedly terrifying god-deities. Or maybe they eat my kind and I was sent to the slaughtering fields for harvesting and such. I eventually found my out, only to be standing in the EXACT SAME SPOT I had started in. Oh heavens.

Flummoxed and seeking accurate directions home, I decided to dash into what resembled a general store. The cashier-type-entity accepted the currency of my world, no questions asked. A refreshing swig of carbonated beverage (you know what they say: don’t drink the water!)  helped me to contemplate my current predicament with clearer senses. I couldn’t understand it. I wasn’t that far away from home. In fact, the twinkling lights of my world’s cityscape were sparkling and dancing in the distance, calling to me like a beacon. My body felt the siren call of home. Every fiber of my being wanted to be there.

 I tossed my beverage into a waste receptacle and plopped back into my small, sleek silver transporation device. There had to be a way back home. Well, that is, another way, as the portal by which I had originally travelled was no longer an option. So I summoned an Elder who was familiar with this land, one who wouldn’t scold me too much for being so far off mission. My dear friend chuckled at me and gave me the accurate directions I so desperately needed. As it turned out there was a very simple trick to getting myself back to where I came from, one that I had known all along but had forgotten in my panic.

As I headed down the pathway to my homeland, I glanced up at the portal from where I emerged into this land shook my head at the sign that posted at its now-defunct entrance,

“PROCTORVILLE BRIDGE CLOSED.”

 I snaked and swooped and looped my way along the alternate route I had been given and once I found my way back into this Town of Hunting I breathed a sigh of relief and comfort. And prolly more than a lil coal dust.

Ahhhhh, home sweet home!

Just askin'...

Have you ever been so crazy frustrated busy that you don't even have a chance to take a shower? Even though you really need one? You are so insanely over scheduled that you can't even take the time for a quick "sink bath,"? And the only option is to just change your undies and hope for the best? And then all day long you try not to do too much so as not to work up a ...lather?
No?
That's never happened to you?
Oh.
 Yeah, no, me neither. I was just asking. Ya know, for a ...friend.
Yep.

By Gillian

Y'all think I'm good, get a load of these tales penned by my 8 year old daughter Gillian Rose!
Lego Harry Potter: Snape's Revenge

Chapter 1: The Big Lab

"Watch TV Time!" said Snape. They all watched A Bug's Life. "Flik, after much deliveration-- Whoa!" said Princess Atta. All of the students laughed and laughed. Even the teachers! "And by that, Hermione," said Harry. "I mean 'LOL'." "But wait," said Ron. "Snape, we're suposed to watch TV AFTER School." "I don't care!" said Snape. "I do what ever I want today, Weasley." "Whell!" said Hermione. Then Snape chose the other outtakes. "Eh--" said Dot. "What's my line again?" Everyone laughed harder and harder. More harder then "Lol". But usally, EVERYONE came. Even Malfoy, Draco Malfoy, and Voldemort. After school, Snape was going to a secret lare. Harry, Ron and Hermione followed him.Snape laughed evily.Harry, Hermione and Ron followed him. Snape saw them. He ran faster and faster. So did the gang! They found Snape's lab. "Whoa, this place is huge!" said Hermione."You're tellin' me." said Ron. Suddenley, Snape saw them. They fought for about two hours. Harry was tired. "I'm thursty," said Harry. "Snape, do you have any water?" "Yes. Here you go, Mr. Potter." said Snape.



And Another by Gillian:

Dear Lightning, Hope, & Fang
My name is Jillian. I start with a G. My new dad, Brian Rublee has your game! He says you're stuck in Ill'C. I've sent SO many letters to Vanille, but in pencil. I just WISH I  could be with you guys. I'll soon get an electric sword. It's a sword where the pointy edge is off, and it zaps electric zaps and kills SO many bad things and animals. When you, and Vanille see how brave I am, you would soon be happy, Lightning. In pencil I used to write sloppy and not beutiful. But NOW it's SO pretty. But when you guys are UNstuck, you could come to my house!


       Love,
      Gillian
  



P.S. My address is: Huntington, West Virginia, (street address deleted by Summer) and my planet is Earth.