Left Behind

I had to be at back at work this morning less than 12 hours after I LEFT that place last night. But I was up and ready to go. G, notsomuch. Because of her pokiness I was running about A THOUSAND MINUTES LATE. "Oh no I forgot (one of 27 random things she "needs" to get thru a day with me at the mall even tho she will just end up playing on my phone the whole time anyway)!!!"
"GILLIAN!!" I screeched angrily. "GET IN THE CAR!! I'll go get (random thing)."
As she went out the door, I dashed back inside, locating and grabbing said random-yet-uberimportant-item all in less than 30 seconds (yay one story floor plan!). I raced to the car, slammed the door and gunned it out of the driveway. I was sooo frazzled and sooo late. I was all the way to the stop sign at the end of our busy street when I thought, "Wow. G must know how mad I am. She's being so quiet. I don't even hear any vids or games playing on her ipod!"

Wait.

 "She's so quiet. Is she even back there?!" I joked to myself silently. Looking in the rearview mirror, I started to tell G my little joke. But I didnt see her reflection. She must have been laying in the seat. I looked back.

"HOLY (string of incoherent swearing) I LEFT HER!!!! OH MY GOD I LEFT MY BABYYYYY!!!"

Because my busy street spills out into an even busier street, I couldn't turn around right away. I had to DRIVER FURTHER AWAY FROM MY BABY. Whom I had left. All alone.
I whipped around the first chance I got and SPED back home.  I found her standing still  and sobbing on the driveway. Desolate and abandoned.
 I was trying not to laugh. I KNOW I KNOW. But It really was kinda funny.
My 10 year old daughter  just stood there, crying, waiting for me to scoop her up, hug and comfort her.

NOPE. I just sat in the car as she got herself together enough to climb in to the backseat. "YOU LEFT ME!!!!" She sobbed.
"Yes I did. And what lesson did you learn form this? " SILENCE (except for crying) "Did you learn to ALWAYS get in the car when I ask you to?"
 "YEESSSS!!!"
"Well, I am sorry I left you and I am sorry you were scared. But sometimes mommies have to teach their kids tough lessons."
"I know. But I'm going to be mad at you all day." I told her that was okay. I DIDN'T tell her that I was pretty mad at myself too. Bc I DID NOT leave her on purpose to teach her a lesson. I actually just... well.. LEFT her. On accident. 

Gilly has told EVERYONE that I left her behind today. She told my boss, my mom. Our Elf on the Shelf, the waitress at dinner and she cant WAIT to tell BRIAN (he knows, I texted him) when he gets home!!
 BUT! G does always finish the story with "But I learned MY lesson! Always listen to Momma!"
And isn't that REALLY the most important thing, here?! ISNT IT?!

Aunt Holly's House By Gilly

This was a practice writing of Gillian's for standardized testing that all 3rd graders have to take in WV.
I thought it was hilarious and sweet and wanted to share!

Favorite Place in Town

"I really like going to my aunt Holly's house.

They even have a Wii U! I love the new basment they're making. It's supposed to be my great-great- great-great-great gramma, Mimi's new room, I like playing Mario games, and lucky me, they have Mario Kart Wii and Super Mario Bros U.  The storage room became a room with books and a board with magnetic letters that came with it.  They also have my favorite kind of GaterAid.
My aunt is rich because she bought tons of apps on her iPhone, but she had to delete one. She has tons of lego sets, too.

Sometimes I smell delicious lunch or dinner. And I see my 2-year-old cousin Harry. And the blanket tht's on Harry's bed feels so good, I coulod sleep for hours on that thing!

That's why I love going to Holly's house. "


She got a pretty decent score of 4/6 points on this one. Just needed to elaborate more.

Not bad for a practice run! And Holly's house truly IS Gilly's FAVE place in town!

Arm Pit Candy

As Brian leaned in to kiss me hello after a long day of work, I caught a whiff of SOMEthing just AWFUL! A sickeningly sweet, thick odor surrounded me in a  green cloud of nastiness.  "Oh my GOD what IS that?!" I said in my 'I'm gonna die if that smell enters my nostrils and attaches itself to my brain' voice (aka 'stuffed up nose' voice).
"What? I don't smell anything."
I shrugged and stirred the spaghetti I was preparing for dinner. I didn't smell the offending odor again until he hugged me and thanked me for a yummy dinner during our post-meal clean up. ( I know, RIGHT?! He's too good for words!) To Brian's sweet, and satisfied thanks I responded, "UGH GET AWAY FROM ME!!" I covered my mouth and nose with my hands.  "YOU SMELL LIKE LIKE- LIKE A CAN OF RED BULL THATS GONE SKUNKY!! GOOD LOORRRD WHAT IS THAT?!

He chuckled like a rotten kid and said he didn't smell anything.
"Well, I didn't either," I said from behind by garlic and tomato scented hands "until you just hugged me. OH! And when you first got home. UGH!! WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE OLD LADY CANDY?! Oh GOD, YOU'RE DISGUUUSTING!!'

Before y'all lay into me about being overly dramatic (who? ME!? NEVAH!!!) keep in mind that I am super-sensitve to smells and just about ANY and EVERYthing can ignite a migraine and lay me out for two or three days. So my outrageous reaction to Brian's odd and offending scent of choice is MORE than warranted.

Brian just shrugged and said that what I might be smelling might be his NEW deodorant.
"WHAT?! WHAT 'NEW' DEODORANT?!? I DIDN'T APPROVE ANY 'NEW' DEODORANT! YOU KNOW ALL HOUSEHOLD AND BODY SCENTS HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME FIRST!" Again, before you label me a crazy, controlling bitch please re-read the above paragraph re: smells and headaches. I'll wait...

Done? Great. Let's move on.

"How about if I change my shirt?" Brian offered sweetly.
I agreed that that MIGHT help.

After the undershirt chagne, I didn't smell that god-awful odor anymore, but he was on the couch and I was across our small tv room lounging on the recliner so I wasn't close enough, either. UNTIL BEDTIME. As I went to snuggle him I found myself embattled in  an unrelenting onslaught  attack upon my olfactory senses.

"Brian!!" I flailed and thrashed my way out from under the covers and out of bed. Once again I covered my nose and mouth. "GO WASH YOUR STINKY PITS!!'

This grown up 40 year old man I call 'mine all mine'  once again giggled like an 8 year old  boy who had farted but blamed it on his lil sister. "I DID wash em!" he protested through his rotten giggles.

"No way!! You washed those stinky pits with SOAP?!"
"Well, I mean... I RINSED em. With water."
'WATER?!" I cried, outraged. "Is that deodorant also an antipersperant?!" I demanded.
"Uhhhhhhhh. yeah?"
"THEN IT IS WATERPROOF, BRIIII-YUUUNNNNN-NUH!!!"
HE argued that nuh-uhh it was NOT waterproof.
"Oh no? Well answer me THIS; what IS sweat? ? Is it not water that comes out of your body?! AND IS THAT STINKY, SMELLY RANCID HALLOWEEN CANDY SCENTED STUFF THAT IS ABSOULTELY WAFTING OUT FROM UNDER YOUR ARMS STILL ON SAID BODY??!! Yes, Brian. Yes. It. Is. And do you know why?! "Because IT IS WATERPROOF!"

"FINE!" He relented. "I'll go wash it off!! For real!"
I followed him AND supervised. He was laughing at my Drema Death Stare and the fact that I was sitting on a toliet lid watching him wash his arm pits at 11:30 at night. "Well! We  wouldn't BE in this awkward sitch if you hadn't made  poor and unauthorized decisions about the scent of your personal hygiene products now would we?"

When he was done, he asked me to sniff his armpits. "Ummm noooo. I will trust that they are Spring Clean freshy- fresh now and that you no longer smell like church candy found in the bottom of some dead old lady's purse. Let's go to bed now."

And I dreamed a delightful dream of meadows and rainbows with no arm pit candy in sight- or smell!