I just had the pleasure experience of watching the
Food Network’s “Sweet Genius” for the first time. Just from the commercials, the
host/Genius has always reminded me of a nefarious alien creature from a
low-budget horror movie. Yet I was intrigued. And I lost the remote. So I watched
some more. And holy cow and I am sooo glad I did. When Mr. Creepy Genius introduced
the first challenge ingredient in his oddly unplacable accent, I stopped
sorting laundry and gave the TV my undivided attention. "Made to imitate mother's milk, baby
formula is a vitamin-rich source of nutrition." INFANT frickin FORMULA!!!??? I started taking notes.
The first contestant, the mother of a 10 month old, actually said these exact words: "That's
disgusting. I have a baby. I have tasted formula. It's not anything you'd wanna
drink or cook with..." But I guess
the vile concoction is fine for babies. I mean what do they know, right? Shheeeesh.
The mom decided to make devil’s food cake because she hoped the bitterness of
the strong chocolate would mask the "funky taste of the formula."
Which she voluntarily feeds to her infant son every day, several times a day.
Another young contestant who stated she had never tasted
infant formula (was she breastfed I wonder?) said it was “gross and chalky.”
She decided to make ice cream out of it and use A LOT of vanilla extract in
order to mask the infant formula.
One contender chose to “hide some of that awfulness” by
making chocolate mousse.” She also said “Baby formula smells BAAAD” prompting
her to use rosewater in her mouse to diffuse the remaining formula flavor.
My favorite moment of the show was when the alien-esque host
informed the TV audience that “Baby formula is not cow's milk. It has a totally
different composition. It's very low in lactose, high in vegetable oil."
Wait, didn't he say that formula
imitates mother's milk? Sooooo I grabbed a bottle of vegetable oil from my pantry.
Hmmmmm. According to the label, my Crisco brand PURE VEGETABLE OIL (which had soybean oil listed as the sole ingredient) is "not
a significant source of dietary fiber, sugars, vitamin A, vitamin C, calcium
and iron.” The ONLY vitamin listed is “Vitamin
E 10%.” Well, maybe on whatever planet
HE comes from that is what the baby aliens survive and thrive on. But here on
earth, I am 1000000% positive that the milk MY BODY made for MY baby didn’t
have ONE DROP of veg oil in it. EV. ER. Lactose is a sugar that the human body needs
to grow, particularly the brain. It should also be noted that the lactose in
infant formula does, in fact, come from cow’s milk and does not at all mirror
the lactose in human milk. Just FYI.
Back to the show, Mr. Creepy announced the taste testing
portion by saying “I’m a baby and I want
to be fed.”*shudder* Maybe by his vegetable oil-producing alien mother? “That’s
disgusting.”
