Sweet Genius?!

I just had the pleasure experience of watching the Food Network’s “Sweet Genius” for the first time. Just from the commercials, the host/Genius has always reminded me of a nefarious alien creature from a low-budget horror movie. Yet I was intrigued. And I lost the remote. So I watched some more. And holy cow and I am sooo glad I did. When Mr. Creepy Genius introduced the first challenge ingredient in his oddly unplacable accent, I stopped sorting laundry and gave the TV my undivided attention.  "Made to imitate mother's milk, baby formula is a vitamin-rich source of nutrition."  INFANT frickin FORMULA!!!???  I started taking notes.

The first contestant, the mother of a 10 month old,  actually said these exact words: "That's disgusting. I have a baby. I have tasted formula. It's not anything you'd wanna drink or cook with..."   But I guess the vile concoction is fine for babies. I mean what do they know, right? Shheeeesh. The mom decided to make devil’s food cake because she hoped the bitterness of the strong chocolate would mask the "funky taste of the formula." Which she voluntarily feeds to her infant son every day, several times a day.

Another young contestant who stated she had never tasted infant formula (was she breastfed I wonder?) said it was “gross and chalky.” She decided to make ice cream out of it and use A LOT of vanilla extract in order to mask the infant formula.  

One contender chose to “hide some of that awfulness” by making chocolate mousse.” She also said “Baby formula smells BAAAD” prompting her to use rosewater in her mouse to diffuse the remaining formula flavor.

My favorite moment of the show was when the alien-esque host informed the TV audience that “Baby formula is not cow's milk. It has a totally different composition. It's very low in lactose, high in vegetable oil." Wait, didn't he  say that formula imitates mother's milk? Sooooo I grabbed a bottle of vegetable oil from my pantry. Hmmmmm. According to the label, my Crisco brand PURE VEGETABLE OIL (which had soybean oil listed as the sole ingredient) is "not a significant source of dietary fiber, sugars, vitamin A, vitamin C, calcium and iron.”  The ONLY vitamin listed is “Vitamin E 10%.”  Well, maybe on whatever planet HE comes from that is what the baby aliens survive and thrive on. But here on earth, I am 1000000% positive that the milk MY BODY made for MY baby didn’t have ONE DROP of veg oil in it. EV. ER.  Lactose is a sugar that the human body needs to grow, particularly the brain. It should also be noted that the lactose in infant formula does, in fact, come from cow’s milk and does not at all mirror the lactose in human milk.   Just FYI.

Back to the show, Mr. Creepy announced the taste testing portion by saying “I’m  a baby and I want to be fed.”*shudder* Maybe by his vegetable oil-producing alien mother? “That’s disgusting.”